How Omar Mateen’s Parents Failed Him

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I was twelve when I first learned about homosexuality.

My family was on vacation in Provincetown, Massachusetts; we were visiting my uncles, Joel and Ray. The thing is, only Joel was a blood relation to my father.

In Provincetown, a Gay Mecca during the summer months, I saw men holding hands with men and women holding hands with women. Suddenly the idea both Joel and Ray were my dad’s brother didn’t hold much weight.

So, homosexuality was explained to me, and that was that. I shrugged, and everyone went on with their life.

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Donald Trump Finally Scares Me

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When The Donald announced he was running for president, I laughed.

Hell, I think everyone did. The media, late night talk show hosts, foreign leaders… it was a joke. Who would ever vote for a reality TV show host? A male Sarah Palin? A failed businessman who leases his name because his personal ventures flop? (Not that the industries he licenses’ his name to don’t flop as well, he just doesn’t lose money when those fail.)

When he started winning, I shrugged. America has huge problems with racism, sexism, and homophobia, so him pandering to the dumbest of the dumb and succeeding didn’t surprise me. Early on, yeah, I expected him to do well.

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Neal Gabler Doesn’t Speak for the American Middle Class

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Neal Gabler is everywhere these days.

Since landing the cover story in The Atlantic, The Secret Shame of the Middle Class, he’s been interviewed multiple times. I’ve stumbled across him on NPR, online, and the radio program On Point.

The crux of Neal’s article is that 47% of of American citizens couldn’t come up with $400 in an emergency. Neal wrote from his perspective, himself a member of that group.

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Dear Drunk Woman: A Comedian Apologizes

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I’m sorry.

I could have handled myself better.

You might want to stop reading now, because that’s all that should be said. Apologies are supposed to stand on their own, but I’m going to vent and ruin the apology with explanation.

When you stumbled up to me, I was in the middle of a sale. An audience member had enjoyed my silly so much that he felt the need to give me cash in exchange for a souvenir. I love it when that happens, as it helps me provide for my family. You know: pay the mortgage, buy food, that sort of thing.

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Trump is the Perfect Republican Candidate

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An old classmate of mine posted on Facebook: “I am hereby terminating my membership in the Republican Party. This is not the party I grew up with.”

As he explained it, Donald Drumpf winning his state’s primary was the reason.

The post received many comments. Most were positive; some echoed his lament regarding the loss of the party of their past.

I was confused.

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An Open Letter to Trump Protesters

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Please stop.

You’re not helping the situation, and in fact are adding fuel to the ignorant and hateful fire being stoked by The Donald. Look at the kind of people you’re dealing with: Drumpf supporters. These are people that looked at Ted Cruz and said, “He’s not crazy enough.” Marco Rubio wasn’t dimwitted enough, and Ben Carson somehow not enough of a sociopath. You are literally dealing with the stupidest of stupid. The most racist of all racists.

What do you hope to accomplish by yelling at them?

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How Guilt Made Me a Better Father

On Monday, my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter stayed home from daycare.

She wasn’t technically sick, but you can’t go in within 24-hours of having a fever over 101 degrees, and on Sunday she peaked at 102. She had actually carrying the fever for five days by then, so we made an appointment with her pediatrician to make sure we weren’t dealing with an infection or anything worse.

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