Many years ago, I dated a woman with ultra-religious grandparents.

They were more the angry, faux-moralistic people than those who actually take Christ’s teachings to heart and live by His example.

We were at their house, and it was discovered I didn’t know the Lord’s Prayer. I was raised secular; my mother is a lapsed Catholic.

My ignorance was met with judgment and scorn.

I didn’t mind, because I find such things amusing, but something I found interesting was a secret whispered to me by my partner: their son-in-law had been arrested and pled guilty to solicitation. He’d approached and bartered with an undercover officer dressed as a prostitute.

Here’s the M. Night Shamalamadingdong twist: the son-in-law was held in higher esteem than me, because he’d been forgiven by Jesus.

I’ll repeat that. I was less than, because I didn’t have rote words memorized. The guy who had pledged himself to their daughter, however? He was a-ok, because after trying to sully his marriage through infidelity, he apologized to an ethereal being.

I bring all this up because of Jerry Falwell Jr.

Anyone with any common sense knows that he’s a con man; an amoral phony hiding behind his father’s empire.

(I won’t get into the type of person his father was, but suffice to say it’s all a case of the distance an apple falls from the tree.)

Right now, Jerry Falwell Jr. is lying through his teeth about the events that occurred between his wife, their pool boy, and him. He’s saying it was two-way affair, and that the other man tried to extort them. Naturally, he was “heartbroken.”

Except it’s a lie, because the truth seems to be it was a 3-way deal, with Falwell being an observant participant in the whole mess.

To be clear, I don’t care what Falwell (or anyone) does in their private life. Whatever two (or three or four) consenting adults do is between them. My statement includes being OK with the son-in-law mentioned earlier trying to rent a prostitute. Consenting adults should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies. As long as you aren’t harming anyone, go nuts.

Kinks don’t bother me, hypocrisy does.

There are two kinds of religious people: those who seek solace through belief in a higher power and thus spread empathy and compassion, and those who seek to lord over others. People like Desmond Tutu and the Jimmy Carter are the former; my old flame’s grandparents and Jerry Falwell types are the latter; people who place themselves on high without merit.

I think the world would be a much better place if it was filled with honesty. If Jerry Falwell Jr. gets his rocks off by watching his wife have sex with a pool boy? More power to him. But when he turns around and condemns others for—among other things—being born gay? That’s disgusting.

Maybe instead of acting pious and judging others for their lives, just live your own.

Watching someone like Jerry Falwell Jr. exposed before the world makes me wish I was a person of deep faith. I’d really like to be there when people like Falwell and/or Evangelicals who support Drumpf stand in front of St. Peter.

To see their faces when they’re told, “You’re not on the list” would be delicious.

You’ve read my words, now listen to some jokes on Spotify.

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