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A Very Charlie Manson Thanksgiving
There is a school of thought that believes the following: The Universe only gives us as much as we can handle. If I were to hold a candle to such a notion, I would look to my own daughter Hillary as an example of legitimacy. For 42.75 years, I did not want to be a...
Musical Memories
The first concert I ever saw was KISS. It was 1979, I was 10 years old, and they were supporting the album Dynasty. My mom was chaperoning me, which had me mortified... Until I got to the Milwaukee Mecca Arena and saw that the whole audience was 10-year-old kids and...
Magnet
Conventional wisdom says that after you get married, you and your spouse stop trying to doll up for one another, gain weight, and turn into asexual potatoes that make people who view you think “Ew” as you pass them. Well, I am proud to proclaim that however many years...
Confusion Reigns
Oh politics, you frustrate me so.
The Shadow of a Dream
I had my first nightmare in 1979. I was 10 years old. It took me somewhere in the neighborhood of an hour to calm down, and no matter what evil dreams I’ve had over the years, that moment remained the benchmark for horrific thoughts. Until October 20th, 2012.
I Make Baby Sneeze
There are many reasons I am a comedian and not a singer, but the main two are: My shitty singing voice and my inability to carry a tune.
That said, it’s good to know that I’m good for one thing: causing sneezes.
Learning Curve
As a comedian, you have to deal with hecklers: people who want to be part of the show but are too cowardly to stand on stage and write material for themselves. An audience member has only really bested me once. I was performing in Duluth, Minnesota, in the summer of...
A Single Ounce of Self Respect
I remember the first time I realized I had been hacked, that a joke had been stolen from me…
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