The Shadow of a Dream

I had my first nightmare in 1979. I was 10 years old. It took me somewhere in the neighborhood of an hour to calm down, and no matter what evil dreams I’ve had over the years, that moment remained the benchmark for horrific thoughts. Until October 20th, 2012.

I Make Baby Sneeze

There are many reasons I am a comedian and not a singer, but the main two are: My shitty singing voice and my inability to carry a tune.
That said, it’s good to know that I’m good for one thing: causing sneezes.

Distance & Fear

At 3½ weeks old, my daughter Hillary made the big-step transfer from a bassinet in the master bedroom, to the crib in her own nursery. Lydia said the move needed to be made, but I was having none of it. I asked if one of us should sleep in the spare bed we put in the...


I don’t remember exactly what grade, but at some point during junior high I was in the car with my mom, and a friend. I said something politically incorrect, and my mom shushed me. A little embarrassed, my friend laughed and said, “Your son” while shaking his head. My...

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