The Patron Saint of Outrage

by | Oct 4, 2013 | Politics, News, and Current Events

I should have written this in the moment, when I was inspired. Trying to re-create my emotions hours after the fact is proving difficult, which may or may not be a good thing. Re-living negative moments is probably not all that healthy to the soul.

On October 3rd, 2013, I stopped off at the local food pantry.

One day earlier, October 2nd, the food pantry had put out the call: “With government funding on hold, we require more community support than ever. Formula, diapers, and baby food is desperately needed.”

My 13-month-old daughter Hilly turned her nose up at puréed meals several weeks back, and because I am too dim to think of anything on my own it took the food pantry’s prodding to jolt me into action.

I rounded up everything gathering dust in our cupboard, an amount that filled a cloth grocery bag, and set out on my daily errands. The two other times I had stopped at the pantry, it was closed; operating hours are limited and I was never got an exact handle on what they were. The pantry is attached to a church, however, and those generally have unlocked doors during sunshine hours. I would always leave my donation with the church, as commanded by a sign out front.

On October 3rd, however, I arrived one minute before the pantry opened. As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw a line of women, several of whom had either an infant or a small child with them.

In an instant, I was enraged.

Absolutely 100% livid.

My daughter has yet to find her words; when she is hungry, she cries. I will hand her a cracker, and in response she smiles and starts munching away happily.

Just like she should.

A child does not know reason or logic, a child simply understands what it needs. When a child is hungry it wants food, not an explanation regarding why it can’t be fed.

Ah… Here comes the emotion. Just needed to jostle it a little, like a door handle you have to twist just right.

The reason I was outraged by the line of women and children is because I am neither heartless nor completely fucking stupid. If you are, tune out now, for it is not my intention to offend you.

This government shutdown is complete and utter bullshit. Parks and museums are closed? Fine, who cares? Oh, your vacation was ruined? Poor you; sign up for the military and head to Afghanistan. There are soldiers over there that would be happy-as-fuck to go on vacation. And by the way, be happy you have the extra cash and can afford a getaway.

But the idea any child should feel hunger because Republicans don’t like a law passed by Congress, signed into law by the President, and upheld by the Supreme Court?

Oh fuck you.

Fuck you so very hard.

Fuck you with a baseball bat wrapped in sandpaper and without lube.

I personally don’t know any story of any woman I saw waiting in line. I don’t know if they are hurting because they are single parents, I don’t know if they work, if their husband lost hours at his job, or if they’re drug addicts that spend whatever they can scrounge together on meth.

And you know what?

I don’t care.

I don’t care what their story is. What I care about is giving the kids a fighting chance. No child should suffer because of the ignorance of adults, be it that of parents, or politicians.

Complete and total assholes Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell are crying, “The President won’t negotiate with us! He’s not compromising! We’re ready to compromise!” Meanwhile, they’re getting caught on tape admitting they’re using focus-group tested sound bites when speaking to the public. Because the truth would get them lynched.

Besides, negotiate what?

To repeat, the Affordable Health Care Act is a law passed by Congress, signed into law by the President, and upheld by the Supreme Court. How about this: you want the budget lowered? All the federal subsidies to your fucking districts get cut.  Put your money where your big fucking mouths are, hypocrites.

I saw a Tweet by @JuddLegum that summed the Republican stance up perfectly:

  • Can I burn down your house?
  • No.
  • Just the 2nd floor?
  • No.
  • Garage?
  • No.
  • Let’s talk about what I can burn down.
  • No.
  • YOU AREN’T COMPROMISING!

That sums it up.

What’s worse is there are Republican legislators going on record saying they would love to have the government re-opened and fully-funded, but leadership from above (John Boehner) is asking everyone to toe the party line. Anyone wanting party funding come the next election cycle, well, breaking ranks isn’t how you get cash and support.

People can cry “It’s all of them,” but it’s not. This is a Republican quagmire, pure and simple. They said they were going to do it, they did it, and now they’re crying about how it’s the President’s fault; how the Democrats won’t negotiate.

No.

It’s not that the Democrats won’t negotiate, it’s that Republicans are being whiny fucking crybabies because they lost the presidency two elections in a row and the plan they invented in the 1990s got implemented by the opposition. To say “It’s the Democrats fault” would be like watching a drunk driver run a red light while texting, slam into a car driven by a woman bringing her child to daycare, and sneering, “Well, why wasn’t she home taking care of the kid herself?” The reasoning behind the government shutdown is as cut and dried as my hypothetical.

If you disagree with me, it’s probably because you watch too much Fox News and are therefore under-informed. There is no debate here, either. The Fox News spin-cycle is calling this a “Government Slimdown;” Sean Hannity said he didn’t notice much of a difference in his daily life. Because, hey, that’s all that matters, right? How things directly affect you. Who gives a flying fuck about anyone else? I got mine, you fuck off.

I would call Hannity a wart on the inner-asshole of a fifty-year-old transgendered Filipino prostitute, but, naturally, that would be an insult to warts on the inner-asshole of fifty-year-old transgendered Filipino prostitutes everywhere (and I hear they have a powerful lobby, like Scientologists).

Instead, I will simply say that people like Eric Cantor, Ted Cruz, Michelle Bachman and most of the Fox News pundits are amoral children. They shift their narrative constantly to be offensively combative, even if it contradicts the bile spewing from their mouths previously.

(The Daily Show does a great job of catching and showing their contradictions, if you were unaware. Watch the clip I’ve linked you to. It’s absolutely amazing, enlightening, and hilarious.)

In the end, the people listed above are why I wish I could believe in Christianity, if only to know they will end up in hell after they die. To be watching as St. Peter put a sad hand on their shoulder and said, “You did it all wrong, and you enjoyed it… I’m sorry, but you were supposed to help your fellow man, not harm them. Because of your actions, this realm is a place you are not welcome…”

I can think of absolutely nothing that would be more enjoyable.

The worst part of all of this is: when you call Obamacare by it’s legislative title, The Affordable Care Act, people love it. So the government is being shut down because of misinformation, spin, and arrogance.

Skeptics will say, “Yeah, only hippy, liberal Democrat strongholds like California like Obamacare!”

Right.

Except for the fact that one state that really embraced the strategy of federal/state synergy, one state that put forth time and effort into educating the public on their options, testing the servers for day one of “Obamacare,” and oh yeah, rebranding it as to not scare the locals, one state shone brightly on October 1st:

Kentucky.

Right wing, gun-loving, red-voting, Kentucky.

They embraced heath care early on, and will be helping residents despite the best efforts of their two asshole senators.

Amazing, ain’t it?

Now, if you’ve made it this far, go buy $20 worth of baby food, formula, or canned goods and donate it.

If you see a line of people waiting for assistance, think what I thought: “There but for the Grace of God…”

We’re all in this together.

And every child should always have more than enough to eat.

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